Sitting on a bench outside in the warm spring in the front of the garden at the Saint Paul hotel was a welcome delight. The earth was bringing forth the renewal of after a long cold winter. The smell of the soil, rich and dark with new life full was reaching for the warm of the sun.
The chipmunk and squirrels were very busy being active and curious in the beautiful spring afternoon.
Most people have lost their passion for life itself, the immensity of the movement of life. The endless cycle of birth and death, how we pay so little attention to the way we live and reach a state of paranoia about our death or the death of a loved one. Those who lose a loved one in war create stories of heroism to cover up the insanity of organized murder. This is done to protect the interest of the wealthy hidden in nationalism and patriotism - a movement created by thinking that keeps the world divided. This division and the breaking up of the amazing earth into counties is the pursuit of psychological security but creates global insecurity. We are taught to worship people for their bravery, to keep what we have from billions. These people who fight have to because the pressure to represent their county and end up giving their lives for financial domination of the few.
Yet innocent children, women , sons, daughters, grandparents and parents are killed so mourned senselessly. What parent, who loves their child or spouse, feels good about sending them off to war. The irrationality of war, organized murder, has turned grief into an exceptional quality that humans have created to justify the hidden self-interest. To ignore and be in a state of grief is one thing to mourn the loss of a person is another. To mourn someone is to feel the loss of companionship, a deep friendship or relationship if it existed, that was passionate open honest and truthful. A true companion is a relationship free from all external control psychology imposed by the egocentric nature of self that is beyond pleasure conflict and the fear of death.
Would we not if we were alive, live like we were dying! Why does it take us time when we find out someone is dying or the shock of someone who’s been killed to realize the truly superficial relationship we had with them. We truly and at all cost refuse to see the truth of this when it is the truth that sets us free! Tormented by that we grieve. When we lose that person, our thought with its impeccable memory, starts to play with us and tries to invent that we had a great relationship with that person. If we look closely at it and be honest, we see that there were just moments of love and affection. The main stage of our life with that person was really filled with external psychology that we and they practised evident in our criticism, blaming, nagging, threatening, punishing, withholding, complaining, bossing or knowing what’s best for that person. But unfortunately most of us grieve the loss of a person because we are projecting some romantic notion or fantasy created by thought that is nothing more than the grief of a burden in our lack of relationship with the person we lost. The ego self wants to remember all the good times, the fleeting connections or glimpses of love. To hide the truth that one was controlling, critical, bossy, and would spend hours being antagonized and antagonizing the other person in order to get them to do what you wanted. How clever the self is to hide the guilt of the lack of relationship with grief.
Grief is the remorse and the shock of not having the other person any longer and a deep feeling one has been treated unfairly. Self, the egoistical center, always obsessed with it's psychological security. It finds that the intellect can not offer any protection from the fact of death and all the bullshit for centuries of propaganda created by human beings to deal with the fact and pain of death. The stupidity of people saying they’re in a better place, it was their time to go and their now angels looking over us, attempts thinking to create psychological security for the half dead that are living. We are so self-obsessed. What is wrong with us is that we have lost all our passion and desire for truth above all other things, to live a life and be free of all the egoisms created by our thinking. We all want to go to people who have so called superpowers that can help us, not face the fact of our lives! As we are more interested in fooling ourselves living in conflict, having power, building and feeding our self projected image of ourselves, rather than we are to discover our lack of love and compassion. Human beings seek identification with religions, countries, personal beliefs and run to anyone who is selling anything that can comfort them.
A true sign that they have lived a life based on our own images created by thinking is our strong belief in a god source created in our thinking as it divides from and separate life from death. We live with the terror of death because we have not understood what it means to live a whole life. To embrace the fact we are thinking beings. The energy of conflict created by thinking is what our ego is! Ignorance is the lack of understanding of the nature of the ego self put together by thought. This centre must be fully understood so that it can be torn down and stripped away. Each human being giving supreme importance to what they think and thinking is the source of all psychological suffering. Our personal beliefs, keeps us all divided and prevents us from being fully human! To live in the unknown and examine our relationship and remove all conflict that is tethered to our psychological security. Thought and thinking are only functions and belongs in the field of technology. Any form of psychological thought is the boundary set up by our self-centred thinking, which is completely disassociated from compassion or love. This prevents us from seeing into life and death to reach an understanding of death!
Death a fact of life, it will happen to all of us based on what happens to us in situations, sometimes predictable, sometimes unpredictable. It may come by disease, an accident or old age but it comes. If we died every day to the external psychology created by thought, when we react too information, blame others for how we feel, try to change other peoples behaviour or morally know what’s best for them. If we died to the things we identify ourselves with, the things created by thought, money, position power, religion, economic and philosophical beliefs, surely there would be an insight into the nature of death itself. Would that not bring a tremendous sense of peace to the process of life?
Life is a movement, that movement is always renewing itself and we have so little renewal in our life. No one is very interested in any of this, I am amazed if you kept reading this far. We are so self-righteous and death when it approaches us either through ourselves or to someone we love we feel it's disorientation and distortion through the content of our own consciousness that self is! The ego is always tethered to the terror of death. It always feels a sense of how unfair it is how could this happen to us and why? These questions ego-self loves, because through those questions it finds away to keep itself in existence. Mourning on the other hand is the courage to face life a new. To remain in the insecurity of life itself, which is to hold to the vulnerability that life is. To be vulnerable is to be sensitive, that sensitivity is to be without self interest which is the highest form of compassion. Not the compassion aroused by thought, which is self choosing to be compassionate, but to meet itself protected image about itself! Perhaps if we were educated properly one would not be caught in the sorrow of our own self-pity, but we are so deeply conditioned by thinking and a slave to it! Most of grief is wallowing in the pain of our trivial existence with ourselves and another that ruled our disconnection to the person or people we lost. To see how our trivial existence in relationship to the another person was or is relationship mainly based in thought and thinking.
This is such a limited movement and that is the pain we feel. True relationship is not a movement based on thinking and the images it has created. Again, not being able to face this pain we run into another self-centred movement and wallow in the sorrow of self-pity. We live such selfish lives and we are so selfish in death! To die when living, brings about a totally different state of living, where one constantly sees in the mirror of how one is related to persons, places and things is true meditation without the meditator. To perceive oneself as the source and the remedy of all the psychological discord with another without any judgement or trying to fix it. One cannot fix one’s own disorder that thinking has created. Humankind for thousands of years has tried to fix themselves through every kind of endeavour. The self has taken up every kind of movement from energy work, bach-flower remedies, gemstones, to Reiki, cranial sacral therapy, yoga, mystical cards, breathing exercises, psychics, religious rituals and traditions from all the religions, prayers, journaling etc… to change ourselves and humankind, but they have all failed. Out of our pure selfishness we are caught in the cycle of trying to become better. The self created by thought creates the most grandiose ways to get out of self and refuses to see that it is the product of thought. Any movement that creates disorder cannot fix itself. Therefore, it creates greater anxiety and turmoil by refusing to see that the thing that creates our unhappiness cannot be the movement that takes us out of it! Human beings live out of their imaginations and the inventions of thought and we are just as violent and greedy as we have always been.
One must embrace the selfishness and reaction to our death and the death of another fully awake to see what self is up to and only then can there be a renewal of something that isn’t put together by thinking. That renewal comes without any wilful intention of thinking or the self. For whatever relief does come through self endeavour is fleeting and an escape in deception. The source of our discord plays out when they are gone! Maybe if we lived full lives, funerals would be a celebration of death rather than the fake celebration of life. For a life lived without examination through self evaluation is a life caught in the turmoil of self with it drinking, drugs, the demand for pleasure and affluence. Life is a movement of immensity, tremendous intensity and beauty and flourish in all death! Death's invitation is the action of renewal. Understanding the self inflicted misery of our conditioning and living in the prison of our consciousness is dying every day by moving beyond the confines of thought. We often feel cheated in death of a loved one, or robbed of our life when death comes calling. Death is the ending of this life and everything in this life is a material process, as it comes to an end, whether self likes it or not. Even though we know this, we seek out psychics or mediums to look for psychological security in death, which there isn’t any. These charlatans and liars want to convince us they have special gifts to know about the life here after. You can only know a dead thing. Every dead thing has a path to it! A living thing has no path to it! Life moves and for most of us we do not know the energy of life, we only know the energy of conflict created by our judgements and our external control psychology when we include all of humanity in our fallen state! When we give supreme importance to thinking in conflict it tries to find relationship and thinks relationships are either good or bad. The truth is you are either in relationship or not and conflict and external control psychology is the indication of no relationship. We grieve as a result of our lack of relationship and the mind caught in guilt refuses to see the truth of it. If we really had relationship there would only be the mourning of person, the whole that would exist and the welcome of the mirror of death provides. Death reveals the trivial of our existence, the regrets of our self-centred living. To face that without any judgement or self-pity is the ending of grief and a renewal of moving forward. That renewal is an energy beyond the borders of self and self can never get to it because self is a movement created in time and death like life is timeless.
The truth told without love is a lie!