The Tears of a Young Man
The wind was very gusty all day, but it was warm and pleasant. The evening came quickly and the wind died down and there was a quiet stillness, that seem to stretch across the field and beyond. All the brain could do was remain absolutely still. The silence of the evening was deafening. He lied to himself and mainly everyone he talk to. He felt a great sense of unease and he sat patiently in the chair and talked incessantly. He was very nervous, but as I began to listen to him without engaging in the conversation of agreement or disagreement after a few minutes he began to quiet down. Sir why have you come to talk with me I asked. Well he said my mother has come to see you several times and she has said even though you really bother her she said you also have a profound effect on how she sees things. We sat in the silence for sometime, and then I noticed he had a few tears in his eyes and a look in frustration came over his face. Yes sir, don't hold them back sir! I don't cry very often he said what is the point nothing ever changes anyway. Well sir tears are not about changing things, tears are about feeling things the way they areI Tears my good man are sacred! Well I don't feel my tears are, I don't even know what I'm crying about he replied. Sir all our tears are about ourselves right sir. If we cry for another there is no frustration in them. When we cry out of our frustration it is often because thought has come to the end of its tether. Not knowing what to do with the problem we have the intellect, the feeling and emotion, the imagination of thought has revealed to us it's senselessness. Well my whole life feels senseless so my mom tells me to come and talk to you and all that I do is cry, how senseless is that? Sir self is nothing more than just a bundle of nerves put together by the thinking process. All thinking and everything it creates is limited and contradictory as all of our lives are. Thinking has put this whole world together, and even though this thinking has created and done many marvellous things, It is also responsible for all the chaos and conflict and misery of the world. Well I can sure relate to that he said,I just don't have any idea of what I want to do with my life I can't seem to enjoy anything or get excited about anything. Yes I understand l replied. Are you doing what you love to do sir? Hell no he replied, if I did that I would be sailing around the world right now! So why don't you? do you have a means, a boat? Yes I have two friends that I grew up with and we've always dreamed of doing that together but they unlike me have let go of the dream. Besides every time I bring it up my parents go ape shit! Yes sir there's not too many parents that really love their children, they are always trying to stuff in their pictures into their child head for respectability and forget you have your own talents and dreams, so sad! You know one of my friends wanted to be a photographer, but his parents wanted him to take over the farm and a couple of years ago he attempted suicide because of a stupid farm! Sir the farm isn't stupid it's our necessity to control other people is stupid. But that's the psychology that most people are raised with and that very fact creates so much disconnection and suffering for others. So you think I should follow my dream? Sir the only one who knows what's best for you is you! This stupid psychology we have where we think we know what's best for our children or our spouses or our neighbour stupefies the brain and makes us learned ignoramuses. So of course follow your dream and the people that really love you will respect it. It won't be easy sir everything is organized against us to be free! Human beings are caught in a prison of their own making and that prison is on fire and they don't have the sense to get out. They are being run by fear,that fear is the bedrock of the self with all its desires. If you live in this world and not follow your dreams is to live a life unexamined. Very few people Will truly examine their life because they have their nose in everyone else's. External psychology is the psychology that evaluates other people. Internal psychology is self evaluation that leads to freedom. Wow I know why my mom comes and talks to you, I kind of get what you're saying! Yes sir many people can get what I'm saying but very few are interested in living into it. All the religions of the world and the philosophies are all directed at changing our psychology. But we would rather believe in stupid religions and philosophies because they give us a sense of psychological security, a sense of being right. That sense of being right, is destroying the relationships in your home. To examine your life means to dissolve yourself interest in your daily life. To be aware of thinking you know what's best for anyone is a lie. So How am I to Practise being aware then? Sorry sir one cannot practice being aware! To catch yourself unaware is the flowering of awareness. When you are in conflict, contradiction, anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, envy, greedy, criticizing, blaming, nagging, complaining, humiliating, controlling.That is to be unawareness! Thank you he said abruptly shook my hand and left. In the distance one could hear the chatter of the coyotes that seem to Pierce the silence. Another day has drawn to an end. I felt a deep appreciation of the day and my body was ready to return to sleep.