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The root of anxiety


For several days a cold front has moved in from the north. The hardwood floors in the morning or somewhat cold. When one entered the little sunroom, the heat of the day had not yet entered through the skylights. The earth was caught in its deep abiding silence, sitting in the garden among all the beautiful fona, one could perceive the timeless. It was as if everything has a place and I the intruder in the garden had my place too. One can be in nature walking, playing in it but mostly feels separate from it. Even though one can recognize its beauty and enjoy the time with nature there can be no deep connection when one is preoccupied with one’s personal problems and worries. It is the fact that our brains being dominated by thought and thinking prevent us from entering the deep abiding silence that nature holds? The sparrows on the feeder chirping amongst each other gathering their seeds seem to be gorging themselves not minding me sitting fairly close to them. They would sit for a while packing their faces and all the incoming and out coming birds move from feeder to feeder gorging on the seeds. When a large black bird came all the small sparrows and chickadees quickly darted away. Now the black birds would have their fill as they waited for the scolding of the Bluejay. The Cardinals in the trees protesting madly of my presence would not come to the feeders for them I truly was the intruder and didn’t know my place.

Why is it that thinking and thought do not know its place. The cognitive narrative in our heads seems to rule most peoples lives and creates so much torment and problems. Why do we buy into the thinking process, and give so much importance to knowledge. For all the knowledge that we have we still cannot find a way to live peacefully with each other living most of our lives in conflict. There must be a way to end this conflict otherwise we add to the stream of suffering and poverty of the human condition. Surely this must thickens the wall between Love freedom in the transformation of consciousness. Civilization seems to be crushed and cannot move to a better place under the depth and pressure of knowledge. Where knowledge rules love is not, compassion is not and that very love and compassion is essential in every relationship of our life in order for us to be at peace with ourselves and peace with another. Unfortunately one cannot be at peace with oneself if one is a war with another. For that peace is an imagine state of being that one takes refuge and falls into the illusions that self creates. Not being able to find peace we go to people who have psychic powers, and talk to the dead and take refuge there because we do not want to see the horrors and the conflict in our lives that we create. These people well intended do not see the damage they are inflicting on the gullible. Psychics bringing knowledge to people from the other side like the priest or the guru on this side cripple the person search for meaning because the meaning they’re looking for is really comfort from the atrocities of their life. People want comfort because they don’t want to change. To be serious about one’s own transformation is to be sceptical and question the authority of the living and the dead. People are so easily fooled when they want something. Where were all the psychics when 911 happened why is it always after a crisis the psychics show up. surely if the dead we’re capable communicating with us, they would tell us to stop criticizing punishing, judging the people in our lives we live with. The source of our misery is our daily broken actions that push the people in our life away from us. Then when an tragedyhappens we quickly draw on the phase everything happens for a reason, take comfort in some mystical explanation, too avoid our looking at our lack of relationship with the person and our guilt that thought in its devious ways chains us to the prison of our own making.  Human beings are always controlling for perception, being insecure we have tried to cover it up by getting degrees, credentials, titles, and worldly things like property, and money. Then the more we accumulate and identify with, creates more psychological suffering and worry for us increasing our anxiety and strengthening our self importance. To be materialistic to accumulate things or ideas it’s obviously the same process. In those beliefs or ideals or idea’s one takes refuge. To taking refuge in beliefs or ideas or material things creates greater anxiety as they form our attachment. Where there is attachment there is always pain. Because what gives us the most pleasure gives us the most pain and that’s why we attach. Then in tragedy life shows us how insignificant we are especially when we have lived a life of contradiction and conflict. Not being able to face life and our own psychological transformation we turn to smoke,drink drugs,sports, seeking release from the prison of our own thinking. Thinking being accumulative process, creates the self though experiencing. Self Is nothing but a bundle of accumulated memories and experiences that becomes our knowledge from which we identify who we are. This movement of identifying who we are with knowledge creates our psychological insecurity because we know it is not true but we cling to it strengthening our anxiety and fear. Thinking knows it’s very nature is corrupt, because it has a demand for certainty for structure for rules and the terrible action of forming beliefs and the necessity to believe in its beliefs. The parent imposes their beliefs on the child and soon the child will be in conflict with the parent because it will modify those beliefs to its own and take refuge in that. This is the conditioning of your brain my brain his brain her brain is the global phenomenon. Thought looking for security has invented all the religions, all the countries the isms in the anity’s. Thinking knowing what it is, is a bundle of anxiety seeking refuge in some form of thinking or a thought process that will end it’s anxiety forever. Therefore it becomes, and every brain on the planet is in the state of becoming better, more loving,more intelligent more knowledgeable, more money. The priest wants to become a bishop, the bishop wants to be a cardinal, and the cardinal the pope. How ridiculous the whole movement is. Everything in this garden reaches perfection but me the man. A tulip does not want to become a rose or the rose a dahlia. Anything that is alive in nature comes into being reaches its perfection and dies but humanity. The heart of anxiety is the self identifying itself with the things created by thought because it thinks in them it will be secure. The human brain has infinite capacity but we are stuck in a little corner called cognition. The vast consciousness and capacity of the brain comes into being naturally when thinking has stopped and is quiet. The self looking for this peace,quiet and security practises meditation, yoga, rituals, mindfulness traditions is to escape the suffering of their own creation. When that little time is over be it at church or a self induced practice, to forget one’s self we are back again creating conflict giving supreme importance to what they think and practising the psychology of external control. This psychology is what is crippling humanity because we control for perception. We form images of ourselves and images of other people and keep people within those limitations for our own self-centred reasons. To understand the nature of thought and thinking and inquire into ones deep self interest and the ugliness it causes in daily relationships is to free the mind from that ugliness. No guru or teacher, priest or counsellor can set you free. One has to inquire out of one’s own seriousness to break out of the prison of their own thinking and to see the necessity of it. This can only happen when one realizes the condition one is in and all the things put together by thought that creates division and separation that lead to the infinite conflict within humanity. Two little chipmunks approach me cautiously one eventually sits on my foot and sits there for quite some time. The other scolds him as if to warn him of the danger I am. If there is one creature on this planet to be feared it is human beings. The self need for power and control destroys every relationship it touches, as it is preoccupied with its own self interest. Where there is self interest love is not. To give up control and meet ones needs in a way that doesn’t prevent other from meeting their needs is the only sane action in life. The little chipmunk moves from my foot and sits in front of me looking up at me with a deep care, and great curiosity. One of the dogs comes around the corner and scares them both off. It’s another day in paradise.

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