The maple tree provided incredible shade from the heat of the day. Occasionally the wind would pick up and move the air through the shade and provide a little bit more relief from that uncomfortable heat. Then everything would become still and silent and one could hear the traffic moving in Bayfield in the distance.
He was young friendly and greeted me with a tapping of elbows during this Covid time. We sat across the room from each other he had large deep sad eyes that were carrying such a heavy burden that needed to be released. I introduced myself and asked if he knew what he wanted out of this session. He was unsure he knew he just needed to talk with someone but wasn’t sure if it was going to work or not. I asked him the question , if he wanted it to work.
Yes of course who wants to feel this way? This is the worst feeling I’ve ever had and I feel stuck and don’t know what to do.
Can you tell me about that feeling sir?
Well I might as well because that’s why I have come.
Ok sir but please only if you feel ready!
I’ve come because I feel so terribly depressed I don’t know what to do?
Yes sir I understand, that’s why people come to see me, I really seem to enjoy miserable people, because it gives me a chance to understand how and why people choose to depress.
Well the way I’m feeling doesn’t feel like a choice!
Of course sir, what would happen if it was?
Well if I was choosing this I guess I could probably make a better choice!
Sir isn’t all we do a choice, you made the choice to wake up this morning, you made the choice to come here, and you’re making a choice to talk with me right now. And if you don’t like what I say you can make a choice to leave!
Well that doesn’t Help me understand why am depressed.
No sir that’s the easy part!
I don’t understand, you’re telling me that seeing my depression as a choice is more difficult than understanding why I’m depressed.??
Well yes sir I already know why you’re depressed!
Well would you like to fill me in, because no person in their right mind would want to feel this!!!
Yes sir, but who says you’re in your right mind?
I’m sorry I don’t really understand what you mean that I’m choosing not to be in my right mind?
Yes sir is that a possibility? All I know is I feel terrible and I have actually thinking about Taking my life! Yes sir I know you are in a great deal of pain, and the pain is real to you, and it would be real to anyone who is depressing, but understanding why are you depress, is pretty easy to see. But to understand The psychology that leads to depression is much more difficult. [Now the tears were filling his eyes and the flood gates were open, we sat in the sound how are young man’s whimpers for quite some time until he began to choke out some words] Yes sir the feeling of depression is so encompassing, and debilitating, as a matter of fact every person in the world knows the state of depressing, and it is a beautiful thing.
Well it doesn’t seem beautiful to me right now I hate that state!
Yes sir I know you do and isn’t that part of the problem, we can’t understand anything unless we are willing to lean into it and explore it without condemnation or trying to get rid of it. Can we do that sir can we look at what is really going on not just with you, but the human state of depression that all human brains go through.
I don’t know!
The first thing the ego self with its external control psychology wants to convince you that your depression or depressing is personal to you, unique to you but it is not sir! How can it be personal to you, with every human being on the planet deals with depressing and most of the world is depressed.
I know you are right, because I have a lot of depressed people in my family, and I have many friends that have talk to me about their depression even when I was in high school.
Yes Sir now why are you choosing to depress what is at the source of your depression.
I guess the feeling of things are hopeless!
Who are you hopeless with sir?
Just in general my life has lost all meaning and purpose! Things are just so uncertain, and I just don’t know what to do, and if I did I wouldn’t have the energy to do it.
Sir all depression is linked to a relationship in your life, to a person who you want to be closer to or get or give your love to but they have either rejected or you have done something to push them away?
I guess I would have to say it’s my girlfriend, she told me about a month ago that she wants to start dating other people, and ever since then I’ve been slowly getting more and more depressed.
Well sir This the difference between a problem that is created by thinking like a or relationship problem as depression and a real mental health issue like Alzheimer’s or dementia or Parkinson’s. When you have something organically wrong in your brain no talking over or counselling is going to help in anyway. You can’t tell someone with Alzheimer’s to improve their memory or a person who has Parkinson’s to stop shaking. The nerves are damaged and the autopsy in any of these peoples brains would reveal the disease. Depressing isn’t a disease it’s a choice we make when we cannot stay connected to the people in our lives the way we want to and need to. So the depressing kicks in because it is a way the brain naturally chooses to repress or stop its angering.
I am so angry with her, I have invested a lot in this relationship, and I can see that. I think this is a pattern I have, because I did it in my last relationship to and I was significantly depressed after we broke up.
Yes sir this is what human beings do, we have this intense need to be loved and cared for and give our love to people it’s built into our genes. There’s nothing wrong with that! The problem is it’s very difficult to be in a relationship and learn to stay close and give and get the love you need.
Well why is it so hard, how can this be so freaking complicated, I keep doing this and I feel like I’m back in the same place I was two years ago or four years ago and it all adds up to there’s something wrong with me!
Yes sir that’s true there is something wrong with you but there is something wrong with everybody look at the state of the world, marriages are falling apart, relationships between parents and children fall apart, bosses and employees are falling apart, and most of life has become a burden to most people.
Boy are you depressing, aren’t you supposed to be cheering me up? I can see what you’re saying the world is fucked but does it have to be?
No sir it doesn’t have to be if we go to the fundamental root of the problem that’s causing your depression.
Well I want to get rid of root but I don’t know what the root is!
Yes sir this is the difficulty because most of us are too busy trying to hide our depression, or anxiety, or fear, or lack of relationship through drinking, drugs, and 1000 other escapes. The more we escape The deeper the depression and then the deeper the addiction to cover up the pain we are in.
Can we please discuss the root of the problem?
Yes sir I’m doing it with you but this is the difficult, the thing that is creating the problem in your life is the thing that is trying to fix it!
OK So what is that thing?
That thing is thinking and the external psychology that you have been conditioned to be. We have all been conditioned to have a self an ego self and that self in its very nature is the thing that is depressing.
This is getting a little bit over my head you’ve got to make it simpler I hear some truth in what you’re saying but I can’t really find it but I want to,I really want to.
Sir there are two psychology’s available to any human being at anytime. One is the psychology of love and the other is the psychology of External control or power. The psychology of love is an unlimited movement it never criticizes, controls, demands, humiliates, discriminates, guilts, punishes , rewards to control, threatens or humiliate. These are all the psychology of ego external control. If you look at your life you will see that practising any of these external control power psychological habits destroys any relationship you use them in.
Well I still don’t understand why I’m so depressed.
It is the ego self sir that is depressed, it depresses as a means of restraining it’s anger. When these psychiatrists put depressed people on antidepressants they often get a gun shoot people and then kill themselves because it allows them to tap into their anger and strengthen it. The natural movement in the brain when you’re unhappy is too depressed. Giving people these antidepressants leads them directly into the mental state of anger brought on by these drugs. The other reason is we depressed because we want pity from other people for the state were in because we want help. Most people will move towards a depressed person, but we all move away from angry people. So when we need a relationship the most, is when we depress so who care about us will come to our aid. that’s what depressed people need is caring loving supportive relationships. And really that’s what the whole world needs. But this psychology of ego self external control destroys relationships which leads to unbelievable unhappiness. In my work there are many ways to deal with your depression one of them is to invent a world and live there because it’s less painful than the real world of dissatisfied relationships.
You know, I think I’m starting to understand this. I know if I let my anger out on my girlfriend the relationship would be over, depressing kind of gives me some hope with her in someway.
Of course sir but ok! Well when you’re depressing it might seem like that but what you’re getting from her is probably sympathy not love and believe me there’s a big difference.
OK so what am I supposed to do with this, like how do I get through my day?
Well I’d like to see you again, but you got a promise me something if you feel depressed and you feel like you’re gonna hurt yourself you’re going to make the choice not to, call me or spend some time with someone you know who loves you. Do you have anyone like that?
Yeah I do!
Well I’m glad to hear that, it’s a relief to me!
Well why did you say that?
Sir I really believe I can help you, help yourself, and you can choose not to be at the effect of your depression. You can gain an understand of it. When you gain that understanding of depressing it goes out of existence!
Well what do you mean by that? that sounds kind of weird goes out of existence?
Yes sir if I asked you the question right now what is 4×4 what answer would you give me?
You see sir? You receive the challenge of 4×4 and because you understand multiplication it’s gone out of existence until you’re challenged and then you bring it into existence and your understanding deals with the challenge of 4×4. This is how the brain works, this is what I teach people, how to respond to challenges adequately to be happy, to live a life removing disorder. Sir the disorder we are in, is put into us. There is an order that is also in us and in the ending of our disorder this other order comes into being. We are born with it, but because we are so poorly educated, miss guided the world is being run by this external control psychology that thinking has invented. Thinking depressed thoughts is depressing! That depressing is the movement of disorder. Understanding disorder is the challenge. In the perception of the false the truth is born, and the truth sets us free sir!
Well I certainly want to be free of my depression!
Yes sir but the demand to be free of depression strengthens the depression!
Then please tell me what I am to do?
When the necessity for insight becomes alive in you sir, you will be inspired to understand your depression. That necessity creates the awareness to understand that is all. In that understanding something new comes into being and depression ceases. That movement is love, intelligence, compassion, which is the internal psychology of everything. In that totality all life has it being even depressing.