Some web sites are like that too. Web sites that people choose to get addicted to for sexual fulfillment are laid out in such away to mainly attract men. In their very nature they explore the forbidden. What is forbidden to one is not to the other. However, whenever you enter into the heart of your own darkness, you soon lose a sense of your own boundaries.

Let’s explore what these boundaries are for a moment. Each person has in them a code they live by. It is built into our genes and is basically the genetic blueprint of how you are to live your life. Whenever you experience something that this genetic blueprint can’t sort out and is disturbing, confusing or abusive, the brain works overtime to try to sort it out. The brain often will trust what happens on a sensory level to make sense of things. If, for example, children are exposed to graphic sexual materials by a perpetrator and then receive pleasurable inappropriate touching, they become victims or learn a thing called organized detachment. They soon learn to separate sexual acts from personal boundaries and detach morally from their own personhood that throws them into chaos. Often the head games of the perpetrator become so overpowering for the victim that the victim helps cover the tracks of the perpetrator, to the point where they will defend them. Smart perpetrators use bribes and fear to maintain their control of the victim. Sometimes the victim is aware that the perpetrator’s behaviour is caught in a web of secrets, but the victim loses all sense of personhood and they can’t seem to sort out what to do and not do. They are often burdened with guilt or the fear of minimizing the sexual behaviour as a means to cope with the stress of personal esteem and moral boundaries needed to maintain healthy relationships with loved ones.

For the person addicted to sex and use of these porn sites, they were not born addicted to pornography. That addiction happens because they choose not to face the unhappiness in their life and solve the problem of satisfying their needs with a healthy, close relationship with another human being. So many marriages go amuck because once in a relationship, the external psychology people practice on each other soon turns to the bedroom. Sex which used to be a consummation of a warm loving relationship becomes a thing for pleasure and escape or mutually using the other to get off, physically just a stress relief. Most of the sex that people have is wrapped up in what the person looks like. In a loving relationship, interest in sex with each other as the couple ages is more satisfying because there is sensitivity, and clearer communication.

The man who is always thinking about sex shouldn’t be having it. He has reduced himself to a superficial machine. His brain has self-inflicted damage and is caught in a rut or the web of his own choosing. In order for him to free himself from this damaged brain he must come to terms with his own superficiality and the dangerous behaviour that drags him to it. He must come to terms with the fact that he has chosen this path to escape from his own growth as a person.

All things in nature fulfill their potential and die. Very few human beings reach their potential. We are blocked by our own choices and we are caught in the web of thought and are slaves to it. Only when we are able to give our full attention to what is happening now are we free from the burden of the thinking created by thought. Sex is a beautiful, fun, powerful, and connecting thing when accompanied by love. Sex without love is superficial and eats away at your personal boundaries of how you want your own life to be. After sex if you don’t feel good, then you know something is wrong and needs your inquiry. The purpose of all feeling is to tell us how our life is going and to tell us if we are living a life that is acceptable to our core.

Coach Bri